What is a Kink? Fetish? - PINNED Podcast: Episode 41

This week I bring back a guest you have requested, I sit down with Sarah to chat about a more adult subject, that I myself  know nothing about. Sexual topics have been so controversial - but perhaps its how society has raised us that most of us giggle as a defense mechanism. In this episode we discuss the basic terminology and how the media impacts sexuality.

Sources Mentioned

• www.fetlife.com
• Insta @Submission2.0
• Youtuber Miss Elle X 
• Youtuber Evie Lupine
• Youtuber Kat Blanque

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Insta: @pinnedpodcastofficial



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About  Sarah Robla
Sarah is an artist. She works as a graphic designer by day, a baker by night, and general know-it-all craftster on the weekends.


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For more information
Instagram @sarahrobla
Instagram @abakedtart

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Transcript

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Miss Pinup Miami: 0:05

Good day and welcome back to the pin podcast. I'm your host Pinup Miami. And at the pin podcast, we talk about modern topics with a vintage flair. If it is your first time listening to us, welcome, I hope you stick around. And if you're a returning listener, I just want to say that truly from the bottom of my heart, I love you all. Thank you so much for the support. It means the world to me. And I want to say that if you're watching or listening, make sure to subscribe. wherever you're watching, listening, it's a free way to help your girl out. And if you want to find out about all the guests coming on the show, make sure to follow us on Instagram at the pin podcast official. Or you could send me a text to 1833 for a pin up. It goes directly to me. So you get to ask any questions to me to the guests. Any suggestions for future shows? always appreciated. And this today's episode, we have a Sarah, you guys have seen her before her before she's been on the podcast before. But this time this episode, make sure you have no kids around we're going to be talking more of an adult subject. So you've been warned. Hello, welcome, Sarah. How are you? I do well and yourself, Jen. Good. It's so nice to have you back on. Say.

Sarah: 1:33

I'm just happy to be here.

Unknown: 1:36

Today I wanted to so we will I wanted to talk about fetishes I know it's such a dark, not dark, but like it's an unknown world for a lot of people. And to start off let's just say what is a fetish? Well, a lot of people use that word as well as kink interchangeably, and they're quite different. Let's start off with kink is something that you that you would like to explore in the bedroom. Whether that's ropes or spanking or talking dirty, whatever it may be. But it is not necessary to be present in the sexual act for you to receive sexual gratification. Whereas a fetish, let's say an easy one to do is let's say it's a foot fetishist. They would need the foot present in some manner during that sexual interaction to be considered sexually gratifying. And there's gangsters and there's fetishist. And a lot of people again use the term interchangeably but they're really different. Most people are kinky, they are willing to try new and varied things. Some may not even be in a sexual context, originally, like let's say latex, raincoats. But it triggers something in in in a person that is also as sexually gratifying as a physical act. And they implement it in whatever physical act it may be. It might not necessarily be, you know, arousal to the genitals, but it is a mental arousal as well, because the mind is the biggest sexual organ you got. It's more of an experience in your head that makes your body react a certain way. Of course, and it all depends on what you want to explore. A lot of things are very taboo, but it should be fun. It should be if it's Happy consenting adults. And they're enthusiastic about exploring a certain a certain toy, a certain act a certain a certain mood. So we've seen things do a dramatic change of what's acceptable in the public eye. I mean, look at the Grammys we had like cardi B and forgot to do to Megan, right, Megan, the stallion? Yes. How do you feel about those performances? And the sexual content being on stage? Is that more like to be kept in the fetish? I guess my question is, should fetish be like kept secret or out in the open and what would be healthier? What you do on your own time as your own time again, as long as it's happy, healthy, and consenting adults. We should be able to have more open and honest conversations about sexual acts. Even if it's about a sexual act or a sexual experience, but you're trying to learn more about it. You should be able to do that without any shame. There is a time and place for public play. That performance was again, just a music performance. Is it provocative? Yes. Was it done with the intention of starting an orgy? Not really, it's just to be provocative. And some people get off on that. There's nothing wrong with that. I think more that people have more of an issue is in public, it's because a lot of people are non consenting adults, they don't want to see that. It's not like if you go to a, it's not like, let's say you go to a strip club, you know what you're gonna see? You're paying for it. Yeah, you're experiencing it. But you, you went there, this is TV, there's kids, I understand that. I understand that a lot of people are still very protective. And that's fine. That's why we have warnings. That's why we have, you know, parental stickers on music. And they also promote a mom that who's performing and you if you know, cardi B you know, her famous song is the vlog. You know, what you're getting into? Yeah, and not everything is going to be catered to the family. Not everything should Some things are going to be catered strictly to adults, and some things are going to be catered strictly to children. And then there's going to be some people and things that are for everyone. And that's awesome. Everyone should have, you know, a time and place for everything. You know, what you're getting into? If you see that show, with that artist, you don't support it. Don't watch it. Heck, I mean, we live in Miami. We've been seeing this since uncle Luke. Like that, that That to me is like I mean, okay, Lena, but am I going to put my 13 year old daughter who is a dancer in an outfit like that? Hell fuck no. Am I going to make sure that all the outfits she wears are something I deem appropriate? Because there. I do believe there's a lot of sexualization of children. Yes, I'm going to monitor that. But that's on the parent. Yeah. And unfortunately, a lot of people don't want to take that responsibility. They want to already have it catered to them, it makes it easier. And how do you feel about TV shows? So let's say there's a fetish about there's so many fetishes, right, of course. Now, various shows that use fetishes like, um, a lot of TV shows, unfortunately, it's just like books. Mm hmm. The source, they're always going to get it wrong. Like whether it's a show about about polyamory or about bondage, both on Netflix, both horrible examples of both What do you say that they're horrible. Because when you start breaking down the actual behaviors that are being exhibited, their their most of the time toxic and manipulative, and it's not showing an actual portrayal of a healthy communication, and how to proceed moving forward during an obstacle. Whether it is sexual or romantic. Have you seen 50 Shades of Grey? Yes, of course. Now, would you say that though? That type of movie is a good representation bad? Have you? You know, it is a fantasy. I am not going to judge your fantasies. And I don't think you're going to judge mine. It's, that's what's that's what gets you off in your head. Who am I to judge what gets you off in your head, and that's great. But taking something like 50 Shades of Grey as a primer, or an introduction into some pretty hardcore shit is not the way to go about it. It never is. Never was never has been. You'll have a lot of people within the community. Bash it scream say they hate it. Oh my god, I'll mention it. It's it's like it's a four letter word. Surprisingly, it gets a four letter word. And it gets a lot of the teachers and ended booziest really upset because it's portraying them as deviant in the worst ways. When they are, yes, they are deviant, but in the very traditional sense of the definition, which is they they just steered a little off than just what you're traditionally going for. Which, for the longest time, was just missionary quiet, turned the lights off. Nobody said anything there was there was nobody even alluded to that but that people had sex. Let alone on TV to now having 50 Shades of Grey. And it's always going to push the envelope especially the extreme. And especially in the fetish community, the most extreme is what people are going to gawk at. They see the they see the sitter extreme? I no extreme is relative to person. Okay? No, no extremes not rose if at all. Okay 50 Shades of Grey is an extreme example. They had, you know, the hitting the biting the, the restraints, it was all very primal and very rough. But that is only one tiny little aspect of the entire community. But that's what people focus on because it's the most shocking. Okay, you see somebody in a getup? And all you conjure is these pictures of you know, latex and restraints, and bog eggs, and ball gags, and latex toys and clothing. And that's again, it's the most shocking, but it's also the smallest part. Though I do, I do want to acknowledge that the book has brought more people into the fold, to actually understand more about themselves because this is all just about understanding yourself. And wanting to learn more about yourself in this aspect. It's more sexual, but for the most part, it's all mental. Consider the big part. What would you consider the big part of the fetish world you say that? You know, that rare movie represented a small part? What would you say is like the biggest part, I guess genre of fetish if I using the right term? The biggest, the most prevalent genre right now and and it's become so normalized, there's actually a really good I'll give you the name of the YouTuber so you can link it down below. That does the history of latex. latex is the biggest one that's it's feels like it's latex and foot fetishes are both known, or more widely known latex is more acceptable. I think it's because it is clothing and not part of you because you tell somebody Hey, I'm fetishist. Oh, really like you. You like me, and a lot of people get some The most common and widely acceptable fetish that I have seen and experience has been the latex. People really like it. They just like to feel the clothes. It's more acceptable than other fetishes. Like, let's say, feet, or different types of play. Because it's not just about a fetish, you can have a kink and it's just something that enhances your experience, but doesn't need to be there for you to get sexual gratification. What a lot of play meaning fetish. What do you think? How do you play? How did you play as a kid? It's just I find it, I guess, how can I say magic? Let's take something like kitten play. It's getting more and more popular, and people like Ariana Grande day, kind of allude to it in her in their videos to like, let's keep with the music videos, you know, and sexual content in there. So putting that fetish to play put it in putting that fetish to like play, it's more of a kink. Like, oh, look at me, I'm a kitty. I'm gonna work yours. I'm gonna have a cute little tail and I'm gonna walk around for you. You know, when to act like kitty and her. And some people really get off on that. Do they? When it gets to the point that they actually need that for any sort of sexual gratification, that's when it turns into a fetish. But up until that point, it's just considered a kink. Like you don't need if you don't need ropes and to be restrained or to restrain someone to get off. That's a kink. It's one you actually require it to be like if let's let's do something ridiculous like oh, I need to wear a flower in my hair every time I have sex or anything sexual. I need to wear a flower my hair if I'm not wearing a flower my hair I cannot get off. That would be a fetish. Huh? Okay, I first started doing different things. Exactly. A lot of people don't and they interchange the the phrasing. Thankfully kink stirs and fetishists are really cool. For the most part, at least the ones I know We have a beautiful community here. And they're just sweethearts, every single one of them. So how does it work? Let's say if somebody wants to explore their fetish or their kink, and they don't know what to do, like, they find out that they love feet, but they want to learn more. I don't know. Yeah, or, you know, or they didn't even think of something as a fetish until somebody like brought it up. You know, it could be wearing the color red. It could, there's so many and very different things. And once you start exploring, and really just finding out about yourself, it's a wonderful thing. And that way, you can also communicate to your partner or partners. Hey, um, I like these sorts of things. And I would like to introduce you Do you have anything that you would like to show me and it brings another aspect of another healthy dynamic in their relationship, because a lot of people do not talk about their sex life is, especially with their partners, which is the number one person you should be talking to, they should be able to know it's like, oh, you want to do something you should be able to know first, before all your girlfriends you asked around. Your internet history is just filled with stuff and you don't know, you should be able to communicate. Preferably. I know it's hard. But it's worth it. Trust me, everyone will have a boat all jolly die. just all about communication, communication, communication. Exactly. And if they don't think it's something that they enjoy, well, there's always ways to find new experiences. Would you consider the way the preference is somebody has like being transgender or being Pat polyamorous like, would you consider those kinks, fetishes. They can be fetishized, and they have been. But it's 2021. Stop. Transgender. And transsexual is not the fetish at this point. They are people unless they present themselves that way. And there are certain actors and actresses that do that they're in on it. And that's fine. But their partners have always been from what I've seen, again, I'm not in that particular world research. Talk to your partner. If you have a partner again, I keep saying partner, partner partner because I have a partner. But if you don't, there are plenty of safe websites that you could go on. The easiest one, the most accessible one. And safest one is fetlife. That life, f Et l i. f e, what's on that website? Okay. fetlife Yes, that's the best. It's safe. You can explore. There's conversations. Nope. Do people hook up and use it as a hookup site? Yes, but they do that. They do that on every site. Everyone will slide into your DMS on Instagram messaged you on on, on Facebook and you know, give you random snaps. Whatever. What it is, but it is a great place to explore, connect and communicate your desires with people that yes, it's a sexual topic, but they're not trying to get into your pants. They're trying to figure out this, whatever the dilemma may be together, whether it's I want to get into rope and I don't know what to do. Or oh my goodness, my latex broke for the fifth time. I can't stand this oil. Does anyone have a recommendation on how to clean this? Or I want to build a St Andrew's cross? How do I do it? I don't even know what that is. Um, you're going to have to look at pictures because, yeah, it's a cross. And you think everybody knows it? Everybody seen it? Everybody just thinks of it like the bondage x. Okay. That's where you hang. You're normally not if you are that means you're it's seemed over. You're dead. You're tired. I'd say go get some aftercare. So how would you how do you think what do you think of only fans? Do you think that's exploiting people's fetishes for money or do you think it's, it is fantastic. Are you kidding me? are giving the power to the actual creator instead of having a boss Lead Actress perform like a goddamn donkey at paid pennies while producer and film crew and all these people are making money off of her literal back, Nana give her the money. Thank you give the performer the money. Thank you and give them their rights there. There totally should be legalization of all of this. But that's another topic. I mean, legal? What do you mean, like to legalize sex working? Of course, okay. In the United States? How do you think the West was made? If you start researching the history of pretty much anywhere, especially here in the US, you got to think horse? Hmm. They're the ones that tamed the men to make towns and roads and bullshit. I did see. This is the only little history I have was from drunk history. I don't know how true that would be. They had an episode of they did. And it's true. And look it up. And going on that note. And going that also touches on a topic today, guess who were the number one most exploited workers, sex workers, Asian females. And the Shanghai roads that would take that would take people into slavery, just literally rip you off the street. It's real. And it's bad. And we should all acknowledge this, we've treated people like garbage. And just for our sexual gratification, do you think making sex work legal and having you know, just like a regular workplace that will make everything better, or try attempt, of course, for you get cleaner people. So less infections, which means less money, time and effort spent on curing people that have very preventable diseases. Let's not forget the fact that sex workers are exploited, harassed, their children taken away, beaten, raped, there's no resources for them if, if the pandemic hit, how many of them have like a 401k to fall back on? Or retirement money, or even be able to claim unemployment? Or benefits of any kind? It's so interesting, and they're doing work here. You don't want to do? Yeah, it's so interesting, because I would have never thought of this again. So that's why I want to bring these subjects on the show, because I don't know about them. I'm sure some of my viewers don't know. And I, you know, I want to learn more. Because, you know, all we know is like what we hear in the videos and music videos, while only fans and yeah, at first, it's like you hear it and you just think, Oh, these women, why can't they just get a job and it's like, that is a job, you know they're doing it is a very difficult job. Not only do you have to perform in front of the camera, you have to market research, edit videos, sound, everything, y'all do everything. outfit, communicate with your fans, see what kind of content they want. Because at the end of the day, you're going to do what your fans ask you. And that takes time, money and effort. Can you imagine somebody telling you Hey, Jen, I want you to do a photo shoot for me. And I want you to wear this and do this and have this whole list of demands? And are you going to tell them? No? No. Are you going to tell the photographer No. Or whoever it is? That's, that's hire you that? No, I'm not going to do this. After you already. Essentially agreed, okay, this is the content. This is these are my, my demands, or my list of my list of requirements if you want to get a photo shoot from me. And they did all of that and they're like, Okay, well now this is my transaction. It's purely transactional. People just get upset because they don't like the concept of selling the human body in a way they deem inappropriate, and they deem a performers body in a sexual context immoral. And that's interesting because even when you go to any type of labor, like you get your Cardon or your hair gone, you know, people are performing an act on you and they're making money too. It's just a different way of seeing it. If you notice, everything is sold with sex. Everything you got just like you said the hairstylist, I the cooperating you're gonna get you're gonna get so nice. nails, eyelashes, makeup outfit. It's all catered. To the one thing that we, most of us, we all just want to find a mate, whether it's for a night, or if it's for longer, and it's just how you interact with that person, you're not being forced to interact with somebody that you don't want to. And you have all the power and no pressure. There's no pressure. And it's at your pace. Some people just when they, when they start, start researching about their own sex life, they just go, they just explode like an atom bomb. They're like, I want to learn everything, and I want to learn it. Now. I don't want to do it all now. And that's wonderful. And other people are very shy and timid. They're like, I'm just going to I'm going to just experiment with maybe trying on a new pair of undies. And that's great. There's no shame. There shouldn't be any shame. Unless that's your kink. But that's a whole different, again, whole different. There's a kink for everything. Oh, yeah. And a lot of times, it's just roleplay. A lot of people like to pretend there's somebody else, or a better version of themselves. And they don't let themselves experience that because no, no, no, why am I pretending? Why am I acting? Because it's fun. And just because it has a sexual context to it doesn't mean it's a necessarily physical act, either. Yeah, cuz most people think sex, they think it's a physical thing. It's also mental. Mainly, I mean, even even if you're even if you're straight vanilla, even if all you want, is you your partner. No calls no nothing. You still speak, communicate. Now, one thing I wanted to, like, end this episode with is I want to know about the fetish parties. Because when I think fetish parties, I'm I'm gonna put it in my own terms. What I think of, well, when I what I used to think of before I even knew what they were is when you first hear it, you think it's like a bunch of people having an orgy in a room. And I feel like that's the wrong impression to have. But that's what I feel like. I mean, I'm a victim to that, because I knew I thought that way before. Most people unfortunately, think the way you do. Yeah. I blame movies for that. Hmm. And mostly what you see in movies are more already heavily consenting thoroughly tested adults that have been doing this with each other for a while. Here in Florida. The word fetish is very interchangeable with kink, fetish parties, like submission, or there was another one. Yeah, it was submission, submission alter ego. There's a whole slew of different of different parties here. But they're more kink parties. It's think of it more like a meet and greet. You get to wear whatever you think you want. It's allowed, you know, you want to wear latex, you want to wear lace, you want to wear just a really nice suit. That's all allowed and accepted. And then it's just a regular club, just people are. It's a regular club, people are dressed a bit differently. But we get the same stigma, stigma when we go to brunch, and are dressed the way we are. Yes, this is it's basically a safe space to express yourself. Nobody's going to take your picture unless you allow it. Nobody is going to come over to you and start grabbing you there. The first three rules or consent, consent consent, they will kick you out if they even think you're looking at somebody funny. With any ill intention. They don't play with that here. They don't we're very respectful and protective of our community, especially since it's already so stigmatized. Even one bad press releases his talk. Well, yeah, cuz you already have that negative connotation. I mean, even with the example I gave in asking this question, so people will and that's okay, because you're trying to learn you're not doing it from a place of disgust, or at or being accusatory of, of any impropriety. But that's why you create friends with In the scene that help you out and even talking to your to your regular friends, it should be something a little more normalized to talk about a sexual issue in a in a more academic way, like I am not feeling, you know, I'm not feeling this. Am I doing something wrong? Can I get your opinion without any shame or laughter or, or feeling dirty? Because none of this is dirty. I mean, we all got here because two people decided to bang Hmm, for the most part, like 99% of us. You know, and that decision is a bit iffy, but we're not going there either. So in the Spanish parties, um, since you mentioned it, they, so you're not allowed to take photos in them? No. And you're not allowed to take photos. They sometimes have a photographer, and you sign a waiver if you're okay, or not okay. But for the most part, no, people and people are very respectful of that they're not going to, you know, out you a lot of people have jobs that unfortunately, they can't express themselves, because they will be stigmatized. And that sucks. But if you also want to learn more on YouTube, there's Miss l x, who is a great resource for beginners. She has a very calm and soothing voice. And she speaks more in depth about so you send me her edsm Yes. And also, Evie looping lupine. I pronouncing her name horribly. But Ed as well is another one, she's a little more gothy. Um, but she has also great information and different discussions fetlife to you seems a little too, out there, then start with videos. And YouTube is actually a great resource to dip your toes into learning a little more about you on what you may or may not like, it might surprise you. The last question I have for you is, what do you think about we talked about only? We've talked about only fans, but how do you feel about the porn industry? And I know that a lot of people always talk about Pornhub. Um, toxic is so okay, it's toxic? Because the people that are on there, how do they get paid? That's why I think only fans is a great way to start the music. Depending on what era you're talking about, Okay, bye. Bye. Now, I didn't even know that now. arrows. Oh, of course, every era had its own had its own ups and downs and how actresses would get paid. And even to this day, like you had very few actresses get paid or be as popular as let's say Jenna Jamison. Back in the early 90s. Now she wants nothing to do with porn, and that's great for her. But at the height of her career, I believe she was one of the most highly paid porn actresses and even that was paltry compared to what she should have been getting paid. They've never treated the they've never treated and and men get paid even worse. Really surprisingly. Like it's one of the few industries that the men will actually get paid worse. That's why you have not that's why you see a lot of them had their own site before only fans you have like James Dean and a few others that have their own sites because they can control their content they can control and their content means not only what they're shooting but who they're shooting with. Which is another big issue in in main porn. It was I haven't again, I haven't stepped into that world. And about like five years because it's I'd rather just if I'm gonna get porn I'd rather support a content creator that's actually making it because they actually because they want to, and enjoy making the content. Then, being a show pony. It's safe to say that you like the direction with only fans and words going from there. For the smaller creators and I honestly believe bigger creators if you already have a name. Like an actress, like Bella Thorne, or are already a very, very famous porn actress. I can't even say who at this point really read. I don't even think she has a porn no But I think bigger actresses, and I know only fans is only fans, as they described, the site is only for fans, it is not a sexual site, it never started that it didn't really. That wasn't their goal, even though they don't care. It was for people to just interact with their fans on a more personal level. That being said, Now that the site has formed into more of a sexual pay as you go, I honestly think bigger creators should just leave the platform or have a separate platform to it. Because they are making they're already making enough money outside and now they're making all this money in I sound so better. Nobody I know not even on only fans. I'm not even on only fans. I just have friends that do it. And I support them. And I love them. And I just want them to have the best of everything. I don't have anything I really started small creators. And of course the big fish came in it feels like this is what it feels like for only fans. You remember Etsy? Yeah. In the beginning, how it was touted small business, handmade and small business. Okay. Same concept. Same concept. Okay. And then now all the cheap stuff on Etsy is heavily manufactured, but it looks it totally looks handmade. You know what? You're gonna buy it? Because it's $12 instead of 35. That's a great comparison. Only fans is that See? Yeah, cuz I heard that people are see when Bella Thorne was on there, and she like broke down the website. Um, and a lot of scammers too. If you're going to tell your fans you're going to post something, or you are ready to post a certain kind of content. Mm hmm. And you're not basically fulfilling your end of the bargain. Don't be scummy? Well, Sara, I want to say that this has been very insightful. Because for me, I'm one of those that will giggle at the subject because again, I'm not very, and that's fine. And I hope somebody learned something and you gave a lot of resources that I'm gonna link on the description of this episode. And in the show notes. So if anybody is interested in learning more, or finding out about their own fetish, or kink that, you know, the good thing about nowadays is you have the internet, you know, you don't have to go in to talk to somebody, if you're too shy, you could just find out on your own, you can reach out to Sarah, you know, and it's just an amazing time to be in and it's just about pushing forward and finding that these are just not, you know, it's not something to be shy about and just communicate with yourself. okay to have fun. There you go. Okay to have fun. It's okay to have fun. And it's okay to be silly. Not everything is super serious. I like next week or next week, I'm going to be having a cat from it's going to be a totally different subjects. We're going to be having cat from the beauty parlor in Orlando. She was also part of the pink calendar 2021. And we're going to talk about how your hair could make your personality and your self esteem go up. So that's gonna be exciting. Yeah, we thank you so much for being on the show. Thank you for having me. I'm sure I'll have you back. We're gonna have more questions. Do you know perfect Thank you. Bye